It's The Little Things....

Do you ever see some people walking around with expensive clothing on and driving really nice vehicles? Do you ever see people walk into a really expensive food place? And these same people have really expensive houses?

Though these things are really nice to have and is really nice to be able to afford it, why do these same people like to flaunt it so much. Why do some of them brag so much to the point that they are rubbing it into a middle class person's face?

Some middle class people sit around wishing that they can have these things, but fail to understand that these people are miserable. You know why? Because it takes so much to be able to please them. If a child is brought up spoiled, they will never appreciate the little things in life because they will always always always expect the bigger things to make them happy. If they don't get what they want, they are miserable. These people are storing their treasures on earth instead of storing it where it should be... with God.

Me and my boyfriend are so simple. We can do the smallest things for each other and it makes us happy. This evening, I received an unexpected text from Derek asking if I wanted to come over and watch a movie with him. It surprised me because I thought that he would be sleeping for work tonight. Of course I said I wanted to go over there because I missed him. We watched "Robin Hood" (The old one) and we watched a National Geographic video like nerds. We enjoyed each others company by watching a movie and video and it made my night. He didn't have to take me out to an expensive food place to make me happy.

I know of two times when he popped up at CVS just to surprise me and it made my work day go by smoothly. All it takes is something small from him showing that he cares about me to make my day. We don't have to talk on the phone for hours or see each other every day to make each other happy. Seeing each other every day would be great but we both have jobs to go to and we have family to be with. Our relationship is balanced well.

When we go out, we go to a $5 movie and sometimes we will go out to a nice restraunt but burger king is just as good!

My family and I have had some rough moments but even they can do some of the smallest things to make me happy. When my mama wraps her arms around me and tells me that she loves me, my world feels secure.

I do have a habit of complaining about things and I am sure some people have noticed, but don't we all have something to complain about such as the weather, gas prices, and our grocery bills? I do set those things aside and think about the positive things. I may fall down, but I always get back up.

Think about a spoiled person for a moment. If they continue to get all of the big things in life and one day they just happen to lose it, God forbid, Their world will be torn apart. They would not know how to get back up. They do not know what it is like to crawl before they walk because their parents gave them everything. I hate to say, one of these days, they will not be able to cry for what they want before they get it. They will have to work and work hard to get what they want. It is okay to spoil your kids to a certain extent but not to the point to where everything is handed to them on a silver platter.

I think that every child must be taught to enjoy the little things in life and not expect so much. It will ruin them completely if parents keep spoiling them. Teach them how they must earn to get what they want.

Some people may read this post and look down on me because I am middle class but I am here to tell those that do that I am Happy with my life and the people who are in it. I was taught to appreciate the little things in life.

To My Love:

Written: May 201
Written: May 2010

When I close my eyes at night
I dream of you
Hoping that we will always be together
and praying that you want that too

You came into my life at a
very difficult time
We grew together as friends
and now I am thankful that you are mine

Your love and kindness
Drew me to you right away
For you my love grows deeper
Each and every day

I cherish the times we
Spend together
Whether it is spent watching
comedies, playing games, or basketball
And even when we aren't together
I cherish the times when you call

I love the care you show
in your eyes
and the sweetness in your smile
I love the warmth in your hugs
To get them I would travel miles

I hope that I can be the gift
in your life
The way you have been in mine
I promise to always love and cherish you
until the end of time.

* I love you Derek*

What Have I Been Up To The Past Two Years?

I have not written anything in two years simply because we had switched to dial-up. Yeah, I know right? Ugh! So three days ago we switched to Hughes net, which is way way faster and I love it. Now I can finally watch videos and post blogs without it taking forever.

I have not written anything in a long time. Writing has always been a great passion of mine because I am able to get my feelings and emotions out on paper because paper does not judge me of who I am.

The past two years have been wonderful. I have the most amazing boyfriend who has stood by me through thick and thin and who I can't imagine living my life without. He has a wonderful family who claim me as their own and I love that. He has two of the most sweetest grandmother's who treat me like I am their granddaughter and I would do absolutely anything in the world for them. His mom is just an amazing woman. She works hard and strives to do her best. She has been a mother to me too and took me in when I felt that I had nobody. I will always be grateful to her.
I can't leave out Ashley, who I have known for 11 years but we have only been friends since the 12th grade. We got close right there at the end towards graduation and then did not see each other for a few years and finally met up and started hanging out again. I will always be grateful to Ashley and Lanett because they helped me and Derek find each other when I did not think it was possible, nor did I believe in hook ups. I believe in it now :]
Josh is his little brother who is a great kid. He is probably the most important person in Derek's life and therefore I do everything I can in helping out with him because if something is important to Derek, it is important to me. I have been a part of this family long enough that they all feel like relatives to me.
Just because someone is blood related to you does not make them family. A family is a group of people who make you a priority in their life. The Lemacks/Outen family has shown me what a true family is all about and I am proud to have them be a part of my life.

I am still working on the college thing. I have been going for five years! I often get discouraged and feel like giving up when I hit rock bottom but I always get back up. If I had no bills, I would go full-time and take at the most four classes per semester. Right now it is impossible to do that having to work enough hours to make a good paycheck for the following week to pay a car payment and high cell phone bill. Let's not forget the insurance. I honestly do not know what I would do if my parents made me pay rent. We have our ups and downs but I am very grateful to them for understanding my situation. If I had a good job making good money, I would pay my parents half of everything because it is the right thing to do. This also frustrates me because I want to be able to help out but I CAN'T! Yesterday I went to town thinking that I was going to be able to pay for a CNA class that I so desperately wanted to take in Sumter next month and could not get a student loan from the school. I drove home crying. All I want to do is to better myself and it seems like I always get knocked down when I am out here trying. I do not want to be stuck at CVS for the rest of my life dealing with rude customers and running back and forth from the register to the aisle's and vise versa and also having to deal with my hours getting cut back. I work hard when I am scheduled to work and I thought that showing your boss how hard you work was a plus but it has shown nothing but negativity. I love the people that I work with there and I do not have a problem at all with anyone, not even the boss. I just want hours that I rightfully deserve. It is the first place that I have ever worked that I actually like and get along with people who act like adults. I didn't get that working in the grocery stores. I will NEVER go back to a grocery store, EVER!

Last night, I applied at an elderly resident home in hopes that they will be calling me very soon. I know it will be something that I will enjoy because I have been thinking a lot lately about wanting to help the elderly. Some of them feel alone and they need love and support and I want to be one of the people who will be there for them and show them that I care. I want to get attached. It will benefit me in many ways, not just money wise. I am not going into nursing for the money, although it does pay good and is a stable profession. Ever since I was in 5k I have wanted to be a nurse. I almost died as a baby with Spinal Meningitis and my peditrition saved my life. I can't tell anyone how many times I heard that story growing up but ever since I was old enough to understand that I could have died, I wanted to be a nurse to help other people the way that Dr. Joseph helped save me. Helping people is my passion along with writing and my other talents.

Last but not least, I want a good career because I want a family of my own. I have always dreamed of having my own family. I have an amazing man in my life who doesn't rush me into anything as I don't try to rush him. We are content with dating right now but we both hope to be more one day. I want to play it smart though. I want my career first, then marriage, then children. I'm not trying to hate on anyone who has not done things in order, but I know for myself that I want things to happen in order because I know that right now I can barely take care of myself, much less a child who will need everything that I can't provide for them at this present time. I love babies but I want to be 100% ready. I love how I am around Derek's family and they ask us when we are going to have a baby and I feel my face turn 10 shades of Red. Lol. It is somewhat embarrasing, but natural for people to ask since we have been together forever. There is nobody else I want out there. Derek is the one no doubt. I can't wait to see what our future holds :]

I AM:

I am a daughter, a sister, a Grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin, and a friend.
I am a partner, a student, a young girl, and a grown woman.
I am confident and scared. Terrified and excited. I am loving and caring, and thoughtful and hopeful. I am sick and tired. Shy and Friendly and careful and careless. I am broken and whole. I am misunderstood, misguided and mislead. I am hard-working and determined, but a little scared on the inside. I wish on stars and dream my dreams. I pray to God and cry my tears. I smile on the outside while I am dying on the inside. I listen to others who won't listen to me. I walk on eggshells and I walk on fire. I believe in passion and am still waiting on true love. I care so much for you and I push you away. I want you but I am scared to get too close. I am everything and nothing all at once and all I want is for you to show me that everything will be okay.

~FeArLeSs~

FEARLESS is not the absence of fear.

It's not being completely unafraid.
To me,FEARLESS is having fears.
FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them.
To me FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.
FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before.
FEARLESS is walking into your freshman year of fifteen.
FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost.
It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change.
FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breath without them.
I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them.
It's FEARLESS to say "You're not sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS.
I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS.
Letting go is FEARLESS.
Then, moving on and being alright...that's FEARLESS too.
But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it.
You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happliy ever after.
~♥~♥~♥~

~Taylor Swift~

~STRONGER~

For once in my life I feel absolutely great! Hanging out with friends and going to the gym has really really helped me with my self-esteem and I have actually learned a few pointers in how to deal with life in general from a friend that I have recently been hanging out with. As far as the whole Grant (the ex-boyfriend), I can now say that I am completely over him 100%. Yes it took a year but that was my time to heal from all the hurt. When you get burned so many times by someone you really care about, your whole world falls apart and then that is when you take time out for yourself to find out who you are again so that you can move forward.
These are my rules of dating from now on:
1.) Don't be needy
2.) NEVER wait by the phone
3.) Don't go on dates unless they are the one hosting
4.) Don't get attached
5.) They must be a christian
By the way, I am not a needy person but if I can give any advice at all to anybody that would be one of them. I am strongly an independent individual.

I am 21 years old now as of April 12. I have grown as a person and I believe that I am getting better as the years go by. I started going to the gym Three months ago and I feel absolutely amazing. I tried on a summer dress that I have had a few years now and it was actually loose on me and I didn't struggle to zip it up. Of course I was smiling from ear to ear! :) I think I may wear that dress to church in the morning. I have not yet reached my goal weight since I am only losing inches so I still have a little ways to go. I am proud of myself for not giving up and sticking to it this time. Giving up on anything is not acceptable anymore.

Next weekend I am traveling to Tennessee with my cousin Pam and her family. I am so excited to get out of South Carolina for an entire month!!! I am really hoping that I can also visit with my cousin Jessica and spend time with her baby girl as well. I just know that this is going to be an amazing opportunity and I will be taking LOTS of pictures.

Gavin Degraw Concert!

On December 1st, 2008 My friend Christie invited me and our friend Martha to the Gavin Degraw concert in Spartanburg, SC. She had Three free tickets so we took the opportunity. A free concert was hard to pass up.We got lost trying to find the memorial place that the concert was going to be held but we eventually found it. After we found the place, we went out to get something to eat at McCalister's deli and then we went back. We had 2nd row and was able to take close up pictures. My favorite song of Gavin's is "Chariot." He did an amazing job along with the other guys that sung on stage before him. Matt Nathanson and We The Kings were all there. They did a great job as well. Matt Nathanson is hillarious and he often told jokes. We The Kings are a band from Florida. They named their band after their high school. My favorite song of theirs is "check yes Juliet." But they all did an amazing job and we had a load of fun.

After the concert was over with, we met up with some friends that we didn't even know went to the concert. Well one of the girls in that group knows everything about Gavin Degraw and knew exactly where he would be coming out of the building to leave. We went outside the back of the building waiting in the freezing cold but it was all worth it because we actually got to meet Gavin. He signed our tickets and we took pictures with him. It was an amazing experiance considering that I have never met anyone famous before.

The only thing about the concert that we didn't like is that it didn't seem to last long enough. We wanted more songs but he had to go catch his flight to go to TX.